Earlier today the troubling twosome of Sepp Blatter And Michel Platini were handed massive 8 year bans after being found guilty of a breach in ethics caused by an irregular transaction totalling £1.35m between the pair, rather ironically (or just plain hilariously) the verdict was passed at the hand of the very same ethics committee Mr Blatter set up.
After it being decided that the Swiss born former head of FIFA would be forced to keep his mitts off the sport altogether, a life sentence if you keep in mind his 87 tender years, Blatter called a press conference, hiring out FIFA HQ as a private citizen of course, to give his own reaction to the verdict bestowed upon him.
Sporting a rather fetching Nelly style plaster on his face, reportedly caused by the removal of a mole, Blatter, as you can surely imagine, went down with the gracefulness of a dying hippo.
With his tongue no longer held down due to legal implications, Blatter came out swinging.
He opened subtly with;
“To say that it is a good day for me or for Fifa, it would be totally wrong”.
“You can identify me as an optimist. Together with a Swiss lawyer, we thought that we had convinced the panel, with Mr Eckert in the chair, about the situation with the payment. We thought that we were in a situation that was clear, with a clean sheet.
“We had a oral contract, a gentleman’s agreement. This was made in 1998 after the World Cup. What astonished me now when I talk about the decision today is that they deny the existence of such an agreement. This agreement was confirmed by two meetings. We have the proof that this agreement existed.
“Therefore the 2m Swiss francs paid to Platini went through the finance committee, the executive committee and was done in good terms. This is a donation. This is a gift. We avoided the issue of corruption. We did this because this arrangement was in the Fifa books. You can have oral contracts. Once again we go to the appeal committee. We go to Cas, the court of arbitration for sport. There might have been an administrative error, but this was nothing to do with the ethics. This cannot be proven. If it cannot be proven, then it cannot be guilty.”
In full flow, Blatter wastes no time in bringing in the Mandela comparisons;
“Mr Mandela was talking about humanity. Humanity needs no other significance than to respect each other and I say that to celebrate humanity through football was created by this great humanist.
He continues;
“I will fight, I will fight for me and I will fight for Fifa. Suspended for what? I spoke with my lawyer this morning and we were not surprised that the notification was made first to the media. This committee has no right to go against the president of Fifa. The president can only be removed by the congress. Even suspended, I am still the president. I regret, but I am not ashamed.
“I’m really sorry. I’m sorry that I am still somewhere a punching ball. As president of Fifa, I’m still this punching ball. I’m sorry for Fifa. I’m sorry for football. I’m also sorry about me. How I am treated in this world.
“Human beings needs to be respected. It has created a lot of collateral damage in the families. My family was mocked. I regret I am this punching bag. Fifa is still working well, I congratulate Barcelona to winning the Club World Cup. I am a man of principles. These principles are: never take money that is not earned. Secondly, pay your debts. I’ll be back”
Wowsers, impassioned as it may be, Sepp is downright delusional for the most part. As highlighted in the above scattergun comments, it’s believed that the former head honcho will bring a case to the court of arbitration for sport.
We feel it may all be a waste of the mad bastards time.
(Photo and news via the Guardian)