We’ve never seen a Premier League season like it. The myth that anyone can beat anyone has been pushed right to the limit this year. Bournemouth secured back-to-back victories against Chelsea and Manchester United, Jamie Vardy set a new goalscoring record, Manchester City were pummelled by Spurs and Liverpool, the list goes on. It’s amazingly unpredictable, so here’s an questionable attempt to sum up every team so far.
Leicester 10/10
It’s hard to give Leicester any other score than perfection, considering this time last year the Foxes were bottom, in a similar position to Aston Villa now (odds for Villa being top of the Premiership in December 2016?). N’Golo Kante has been one of the signings of the season thanks to his composure, whilst Wes Morgan has stepped up to the plate as a true leader. Even against tough teams like Manchester City, they’ve shut up shop effectively, whilst early in the season the goals leaked through alarmingly, as Arsenal proved. Liverpool have been the only team to completely grind Leicester to a halt, but they still sit in the top four. And I didn’t even mention Mahrez and Vardy.
Watford 9/10
Leicester’s heroics have only detracted from what an incredible job Watford have done this year. A new manager, virtually a new squad and a new Premiership challenge; the Hornets have managed them all. Ighalo and Deeney have twenty goals between them, Capoue has been dominant in the centre of their midfield, and Nyom has been sturdy at the back. A slow August has been ignored thanks to a four-match winning streak in December, climaxing with a trouncing of Liverpool. Manager Flores has proved his doubters (me) wrong, but unfortunately Watford’s prized attacking assets are what stops this from being a perfect score. Watford have 24 goals this season, which Ighalo and Deeney have the vast majority of. Where will the rest come from?
Arsenal 9/10
Arsene Wenger should be pretty happy with this season shouldn’t he? Despite the odd blips (namely West Brom and the astonishing anomaly at Southampton), the Gunners are sitting pretty right at the top end of the Premiership table. Only Petr Cech was brought in over the summer, yet the squad has still been good enough to tear apart Leicester, amongst others. Cech’s saves have secured Wenger many valuable points, despite the typically injured club being, well, injured. Sanchez, Cazorla and Welbeck have all been missed, but Ozil and Giroud have made up for their inconspicuousness. With a full strength squad, this should surely be their year.
Crystal Palace 9/10
Alan Pardew has been working wonders at Palace in 2015. His masterful Cabaye coup has underlined their excellent start, and the travelling maestros have been consistent where all others have faltered. Despite the Eagles’ grounded strikers, who have together notched just one goal between the five of them, their lofty position in the league cannot be ignored. Palace triumphed against Chelsea during Mourinho’s early struggles, and victories against Liverpool and Newcastle will also be remembered for a while. There’s no reason to see why Pardew’s men can’t continue this form til May and secure their best finish since 3rd in 1991.
Spurs 9/10
Spurs have been silent but deadly this season. Only now does it seem that people are taking Pochettino’s team seriously. Even after their 4-1 demolition of Man City, pundits still tended to ignore their rise. After all, they’ve only suffered two losses this season, sandwiching a fourteen-game unbeaten streak. Harry Kane’s second-season syndrome? He started slowly, but has eleven goals to his name now. Deli Alli has been a revelation, whilst Toby Alderweireld has been a rock for the London club. There’s no reason why they can’t be considered title-contenders in such an unpredictable season. Only the eight draws have prevented this from being a perfect half for Spurs.
Man City 8/10
A tale of two teams really. One with Kompany, the other without. The captain’s absence has been obvious, as Otamendi and Mangala aren’t convincing in the slightest. The injuries of the Belgian, Silva and Aguero have also stopped City from dominating a season peppered with inconsistency. But the convincing losses to Liverpool, Stoke and more means that City are just another one of the inconsistent bunch. Wilfried Bony isn’t worthy of playing for one of the best clubs in Europe, and isn’t providing the goals required. Overall it’s still good, but no team that have lost 4-1 twice in one season deserves anything more than this score.
Stoke 7/10
When Stoke have been good, it’s been 10/10 performances. No team in England have come close to the way they dismantled both Manchester clubs, thanks not just to Bojan, Arnoutavic and Shaqiri’s relentlessness, but also Jack Butland’s superb stops between the sticks. They capped the year with an impressive fight-back against Everton, to come from behind twice and also to score more than two in one game for the first time this season. But that’s the problem. They’ve often struggled to score and overcome teams, hence their slow start to the season. Despite their recent form, people forget that they didn’t win until their seventh game of the season. This is why I can only give the Potters a humble 7/10. A European placing could be in offing, but consistency is required.
West Ham 6/10
The Hammers were, like Leicester, one of the shocks of the season to begin with. Slaven Bilic’s army were 3rd in October, but the Bank Holiday Monday win against Southampton was just their first in nine attempts. It’s slightly comparable to last year, where the Hammers nailed their opponents to sit 4th on Christmas Day. They recorded just three wins in twenty-one since. The poor results now coincided with playmaker Payet’s injury, but it doesn’t justify their awful November and December. With such a topsy-turvy season, 7th place right now is incredibly lucky, as five consecutive draws are still points on the board. But will this stagnation thaw in 2016? That’s too big a question to ask in a season where Leicester have been top, and Chelsea in the bottom three.
Man United 6/10
By the time this piece goes out, van Gaal may not be in charge at Old Trafford. Is that fair? Perhaps, perhaps not. The season started well enough, as the expensive Martial began to prove his doubters wrong. But then the fans started complaining. ‘It’s too boring’ claimed fans, as United kept up with pacesetters Leicester, albeit cagily. Since, they’ve slipped from a comfortable top four position to 6th. Is this criticism justified, or has the pressure only made things worse? Whereas people put Arsenal’s occasional struggles down to injuries, the press seem to ignore United’s defensive crisis, where Young and Depay have had to fill in. Before their draw against Leicester, their season was going well. Since, it’s been six games without a win. At the end of the day, it’s not good. But they’re still in a decent position halfway through.
Liverpool 6/10
Liverpool are currently sitting 7th, so at first glance, 6/10 may seem a tad harsh. But they sacked their manager, and it hasn’t completely solved everything. Rodgers’ time was up; the wheels had stopped turning. And although Klopp came with energy and passion, the same mistakes are still cropping up. Watford tore apart their optimism in a 3-0 whipping, but Liverpool still seem to grind out other results, albeit unconvincingly. Only four times this season have Liverpool scored more than once in a league match, really emphasising how much they miss Sturridge, and also showcasing what an exaggerated price-tag Benteke arrived with. The results are slowly coming in, but the performances are still a long way off what the squad should be delivering.
Bournemouth 6/10
Bournemouth were seen as the most exciting of the promoted clubs in August, yet it took them a while to find their stride, eventually helped by Callum Wilson’s scoring antics. However his injury set them back, and consecutive 5-1 thrashings by Man City and Spurs required a re-jig by manager Eddie Howe. It now appears that the Cherries have defensively settled to top-flight life, especially with famous wins against Chelsea and Manchester United. Their six-match unbeaten streak was phenomenal before a loss to Arsenal, but ultimately fans should be hesitant about more progress considering such a freak season we’re experiencing.
Everton 5/10
Romelu Lukaku may be the league’s joint-leading scorer, but when you look at the amount of chances him and Everton have had, an average rating is justified. For a club with European ambitions, poor draws against Norwich and Bournemouth have halted their progress. They’re scoring at will, and Deulofeu has been one of the league’s most underrated players so far, but unfortunately it’s been negated by a leaky defence. Although this squad is still young and promising (Lukaku is only 22 and has already scored 57 Premiership goals), it’s a question over how long these players will stay at Everton before they depart for success elsewhere. Barkley, Stones and Lukaku won’t be happy with another destined mid-table finish.
Norwich 5/10
It started well, dipped in the middle, and ended on a high. This oversimplification sums up Norwich so far. Nathan Redmond and Wes Hoolahan were creative to begin with, faded, and now Alex Tettey and Jonny Howson have stepped up to the oche. Alex Neil must be commended for relaxing his squad, and pulling off one of the results of the season after dumping Man United at Old Trafford. They’re on a slight roll at the moment, but four straight losses in October dragged them into a relegation scrap. Many doubted the promoted club’s strength over the summer, so an average score seems fair for Norwich, who are level on points with Chelsea. They’d have taken that in August.
Southampton 5/10
With the amount of departures Southampton have suffered the past couple of years, it’s amazing that they finished where they did in 2014 and 2015. But now it’s all looking a little limp. Graziano Pelle has been a shadow since he haunted Chelsea in October, and the Saints’ only victory since mid-November was the unexpected demolition of Arsenal. Tadic, Mane and van Dijk have been good, if a little inconsistent, but will only attract more transfer attention if Southampton slip in to the mid-table obscurity of which they currently reside.
West Brom 5/10
5/10 has never suited a team more than it suits West Brom. So startlingly average and mediocre it’s scary. Ahead of the Chelsea-speared relegation pack, but never quite part of the Europe-chasing bunch. New signing Rondon has shown potential, but three goals is hardly praiseworthy. To sum up their season so far in one stat? West Brom have remained 13th for seven of the past eight weeks. Absurdly ordinary.
Newcastle 3/10
Perennially in crisis, 2015 has been no different for Newcastle. Steve McLaren arrived with promise, but has yet to coax any consistency from his skilful squad. Perez and Mitrovic completely turned the game against Spurs on its head when they emerged from the bench in their most impressive win of the season, but have yet to start a match with the same effect. The victories against Liverpool and Norwich were also impressive, as Georginio Wijnaldum flourished. But more often than not have the Magpies been embarrassing, as Palace and Man City can testify to. The squad has potential, but the inconsistency overwhelms this, hence their current relegation status.
Swansea 3/10
I called Andre Ayew the signing of the season in September. I regret doing that, because Swansea have been awful since. Batefimbi Gomis dried up after hitting four in a row, and this all culminated in Garry Monk’s questionable departure. They’ve still yet to find a new manager, which seems illogical after over twenty days, but caretaker manager Alan Curtis has at least staved off the losses for the time being. Swansea have traditionally secured stable mid-table finishes, but at this rate they’ll be fighting to avoid Championship football next year. The squad is good enough to achieve this, but they’ve not come close to doing so yet.
Chelsea 2/10
Well, where do we start? Eva Carneiro? Diego Costa? Jose Mourinho? Never has a title-defending team suffered so badly to the start of the season. The 2-0 victory over Arsenal was the highlight, but most things have since been lowlights. Hazard and Fabregas have been anonymous and Costa has been an irritant off the pitch instead of on it. Since the revelation that the ‘Special One’ wasn’t so special, Hiddink has overseen a convincing victory over Sunderland, and impressive draws against the in-form Watford and arch-rivals Man United, but it still doesn’t mask their staggering nine losses. Last year they lost just three. The Dutchman has the backing of his players, so if others continue to falter, who says they can’t turn this around into a top-four finish?
Sunderland 1/10
The fans may regret those trips to the local florist considering Dick Advocaat’s poor second stint. Sam Allardyce brought a little bit of hope back into the Mackems’ lives, but the Black Cats have slipped into old ways again. The wins have been scarce, but at least memorable, including the staple win over neighbours Newcastle. Consecutive wins against the in-form Palace and Stoke in November were made redundant by losing all five games in December. The defence is dire, having shipped an average of two goals a games. Never have a back four been so statuesque, with Coates being the guiltiest culprit. It’s unfathomable how poor their defence has been, and Big Sam knows he has his work cut out for him if he wants to keep Sunderland up.
Aston Villa 0/10
Is it possible to give Aston Villa any other ranking than zero? They’ve only managed just one win this season, on the opening day to spoil Bournemouth’s debut party. Ever since they’ve been dull, lifeless, and other adjectives of the same meaning. Strikers Jordan Ayew and Rudy Gestede haven’t lived up to expectations, though realistically expectations were hardly big. Remi Garde’s opening stalemate against the free-scoring Manchester City was the highlight of the season, but it’s highly unlikely that this young squad will top this by the time they’re inevitably relegated.
By Chris Bickley
Dispensable Soccer